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DerekOfTheDykes
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(04-21-2017, 05:24 PM)
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I was reading an article (Eurogamer's review of the Dark Souls Board Game to be specific) when an ad appeared mid-article that undermined my entire sense of whether or not we live in a truly just society.



My day has ground to a halt. I can't fathom the existence of this movie, a 15-years-later sequel to a bad and forgettable comedy starring Paul Giamatti and the main star from "Malcolm in the Middle", a young man whose name I am fairly certain was legally changed to Agent Cody Banks. Surely this must be a prank? It would be cheap and easy to throw together in GIMP and buy some ad space for, as a sort of ridiculous gag. But no. It's real.

Here's the IMDB page.

There's a single, 1 minute trailer.

IT RELEASED A WEEK AGO.

In the process of trying to readjust my understanding of the world to include this movie, a number of questions came into my head. Why make a sequel to "Big Fat Liar"? Why make it at all, much less fifteen years after the original?

Does that ad say "ON DVD & DIGITAL HD"? Yes it does. The movie was released on home video, but not in any HD format. This movie knows where it belongs. It released directly into the $3 DVD bin at Walmart, despite the trailer promising a Blu-ray release.

I don't understand how movies like this get made. Don't get me wrong, I understand the direct-to-video market, where worthless schlock and indie charmers alike release with limited budgets and lowered sales goals, probably making more money back through deals with streaming services like Netflix and being sold for cheap as air-time filler at 3am on local tv stations. And some of these little films are even good! Many a small-time actor and director have started with movies like this. I am going to hazard a guess that this will not be the case for anyone involved with "Bigger Fatter Liar", a movie which does not involve any of the original cast or crew and the existence of which Dan Schneider probably is not even aware of.

I get that this movie probably had a budget of about $700 and the cast and crew were mostly paid in cold ham sandwiches and Circuit City gift cards, but even so, I'm pretty sure there's no way that this movie will make its money back. I figure that the writer of "Puss-in-Boots" and the director of "Beethoven's Treasure Tail" and five episodes of the ill-fated "Animorphs" tv series aren't exactly going to combine their creative talents to light up the home box office, but even that doesn't explain the depths of depravity one has to sink to in order to make this film.

As far as I can tell, "Bigger Fatter Liar" can only exist for one of two reasons: either as a convoluted moneymaking scam in the vein of "The Producers" or "Uwe Boll's Entire Career", or this movie is a glitch in the matrix, a blip in the fabric of reality whose existence can be given no possible reason and cannot be justified in any value system familiar to humanity.

No sane or compassionate world produced "Bigger Fatter Liar", and discovering this film has only caused me to slide further into a bitter, confused cynicism from which I may never escape.
Last edited by DerekOfTheDykes; 04-21-2017 at 05:55 PM.
Snowybreak
Member
(04-21-2017, 05:31 PM)
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I uh... Wow. Just... Why? Did the world need this?
Mister Saturn
Member
(04-21-2017, 05:34 PM)
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"ALL-NEW MOVIE" next to the title fucking kills me.
Frozenprince
Banned
(04-21-2017, 05:36 PM)
Yeah it's pretty great how even the D-est of the D listers that were in the first one don't bother or care to show.

Legit stunned some exec thought this was a good project to resurrect.
ElectricBlanketFire
Too early for flapjacks?
(04-21-2017, 05:38 PM)
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PSqueak
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(04-21-2017, 05:39 PM)
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I mean, it's certainly weird, but this is a world where there are over 7 movies in the "Alpha & Omega" franchise, this is...just a little bit weirder.
liquidtmd
(04-21-2017, 05:39 PM)
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Originally Posted by ElectricBlanketFire

Still a damn fine burn
AnotherNils
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(04-21-2017, 05:39 PM)
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Originally Posted by DerekOfTheDykes


Person on the left looks like a hybrid of Reese Witherspoon and Justin Bieber
Iron Badger
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(04-21-2017, 05:40 PM)
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the title should've been 2 big 2 fat liar

Originally Posted by ElectricBlanketFire

Shia's my boy, living the dream
Bruce Springsteen
Member
(04-21-2017, 05:40 PM)
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Originally Posted by ElectricBlanketFire

sixteen-bit
Member
(04-21-2017, 05:41 PM)
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one could say science hasn't gone far enough
SocksAndShoes
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(04-21-2017, 05:41 PM)
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Hey it's got that actress from that SyFy channel show.
mreddie
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(04-21-2017, 05:41 PM)
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Originally Posted by ElectricBlanketFire

PixelatedBookake
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(04-21-2017, 05:41 PM)
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So this movie is for kids of the parents who enjoyed the original movie?
Kart94
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(04-21-2017, 05:42 PM)
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There have been 5000 Land before Time sequels. Science has gone too far for quite a long time.
evilromero
(04-21-2017, 05:43 PM)
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What's with the creepy person in the car? Is it a ghost?
kitschykitty
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(04-21-2017, 05:43 PM)
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Originally Posted by PixelatedBookake

So this movie is for kids of the parents who enjoyed the original movie?

That's exactly what's happening
DerekOfTheDykes
Member
(04-21-2017, 05:44 PM)
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Originally Posted by PixelatedBookake

So this movie is for kids of the parents who enjoyed the original movie?

If you enjoyed the original movie when it came out, you...

Son of a bitch, you could be old enough to have young kids without being a teen parent.

I need to go lie down for a minute.

Originally Posted by evilromero

What's with the creepy person in the car? Is it a ghost?

If you don't remember the original (and if you don't I envy you) there was a gag involving dying Paul Giamatti blue. This prank was about 30% of every trailer for the original film.
GodParticle
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(04-21-2017, 05:44 PM)
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Originally Posted by AnotherNils

Person on the left looks like a hybrid of Reese Witherspoon and Justin Bieber


Nah, that's young brian austin green from 90210
Akainu
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(04-21-2017, 05:45 PM)
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Damn I thought the dude on the left was a chick.
Jack Scofield
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(04-21-2017, 05:45 PM)
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Originally Posted by evilromero

What's with the creepy person in the car? Is it a ghost?

In the first movie, they painted the bad guy blue. In the sequel, they're painting the bad guy again, but this time in WHITE!

I'm willing to bet that this is the actual reason why.
ElectricBlanketFire
Too early for flapjacks?
(04-21-2017, 05:46 PM)
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Thought the guy at 0:49 was Ryback for a second.
RocknRola
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(04-21-2017, 05:47 PM)
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Originally Posted by ElectricBlanketFire

Jebus. That's a burn for the ages!
SuperEpicMan
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(04-21-2017, 05:47 PM)
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What the hell is Marlon Brando doing in this.

Frozenprince
Banned
(04-21-2017, 05:47 PM)

Originally Posted by Kart94

There have been 5000 Land before Time sequels. Science has gone too far for quite a long time.

I was stunned when I discovered there was 14 of those motherfuckers.

And each one has at least or fucking top tier actor.

One has Keifer fucking Southerland in it.
Zelenogorsk
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(04-21-2017, 05:48 PM)
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Originally Posted by Akainu

Damn I thought the dude on the left was a chick.

Spoilers!
NeonBlack
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(04-21-2017, 05:48 PM)
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When do I get Bedazzled 2?
Gorillaz
sober as a drunk judge
(04-21-2017, 05:49 PM)
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my dude in the car looking spooky as hell
PixelatedBookake
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(04-21-2017, 05:50 PM)
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Originally Posted by Frozenprince

I was stunned when I discovered there was 14 of those motherfuckers.

And each one has at least or fucking top tier actor.

One has Keifer fucking Southerland in it.

If I go to that Wikipedia page and there isn't one "The Land Before Time: Lost in Manhattan" I will be sorely disappointed
Omadahl
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(04-21-2017, 05:51 PM)
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Despite the menagerie of horror this film must be, there's still one good thing that came out of it; this OT is the tits. Can you write movie reviews please?
Last edited by Omadahl; 04-21-2017 at 05:53 PM.
Lijik
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(04-21-2017, 05:51 PM)
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Originally Posted by evilromero

What's with the creepy person in the car? Is it a ghost?

bigger fatter liar was originally a sequel to weekend at bernies involving the corpse of klaus nomi that got heavily reworked
DerekOfTheDykes
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(04-21-2017, 05:52 PM)
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Originally Posted by Frozenprince

I was stunned when I discovered there was 14 of those motherfuckers.

And each one has at least or fucking top tier actor.

One has Keifer fucking Southerland in it.

The Land Before Time franchise is eventually just going to end up in renaissance Italy there have been so many of those damn things

Originally Posted by Omadahl

Despite the menagerie of horror this film must be, there's still one good thing that came out of it. This OT is the tits. Can you write movie reviews please?

I've thought about it. I've never really produced content of any kind, but I saw the world's worst movie "Dude Where's My Dog" a few months ago and it's got me thinking about it.
Malreyn
Member
(04-21-2017, 05:53 PM)
Is this a movie we call Lionel Mandrake for a review for?
ElectricBlanketFire
Too early for flapjacks?
(04-21-2017, 05:56 PM)
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There's something genuinely fascinating about these years-later, d-list cast sequels.
Xero
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(04-21-2017, 05:57 PM)
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was the cody banks stab really necessary or could you really not be bothered to look up frankie muniz's name?
John Kowalski
#thor2thedarkworld
(04-21-2017, 05:58 PM)
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Originally Posted by ElectricBlanketFire

There's something genuinely fascinating about these years-later, d-list cast sequels.

I mean the consumerist decadence of modern society is also fascinating but that doesn't mean it's healthy
chaislip3
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(04-21-2017, 05:58 PM)
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This is blasphemous
Frozenprince
Banned
(04-21-2017, 05:58 PM)

Originally Posted by ElectricBlanketFire

There's something genuinely fascinating about these years-later, d-list cast sequels.

I would love e to be in the room with whatever locked in the basement producer makes this pitch.
ElectricBlanketFire
Too early for flapjacks?
(04-21-2017, 05:59 PM)
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Originally Posted by John Kowalski

I mean the consumerist decadence of modern society is also fascinating but that doesn't mean it's healthy

I didn't say it was healthy you mark.
oatmeal
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(04-21-2017, 06:01 PM)
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I'm a huge fan of BIFFLE

I'm in wherever it needs to be
Order
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(04-21-2017, 06:05 PM)
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It's already on Netflix, make sure you watch it
Professor Renegade
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(04-21-2017, 06:05 PM)
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What? How? Why????????????????

Is another universe leaking into ours?
Sou Da
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(04-21-2017, 06:05 PM)
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Originally Posted by Order

It's already on Netflix, make sure you watch it

A new MST3K episode waiting to happen
DerekOfTheDykes
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(04-21-2017, 06:08 PM)
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Originally Posted by Xero

was the cody banks stab really necessary or could you really not be bothered to look up frankie muniz's name?

I am fully aware of Frankie Muniz's real name.

I am also fully aware that Barry Bostwick has actually been in more presitigious productions than The Scorpion King 4, namely that he was the mayor in all six seasons of Spin City (a sitcom I think I remember loving but am afraid to revisit in case I may prove myself wrong).

Or did you actually think that someone who went so far as to find out that the director of Bigger Fatter Liar also directed five episodes of the Animorphs tv series (a show that even as a kid I knew was a pile of shit, and side note why can't I get an Everworld series on HBO) didn't know how to google an actor's name?

No. It was not necessary. None of this is necessary. In fact, given the release of Bigger Fatter Liar, I would go so far as to suggest that maybe the human experiment is a failure and our species' continued place at the top of the food chain may in fact not really be that necessary.

You see, sometimes, for the sake of comedic writing, you exaggerate things a little bit or make ridiculous assertions like "child actor legally changed his name to that of an oddly memetic character from a fairly run-of-the-mill film".

EDIT: Nevermind, Google clearly agrees with me, and this is totally not fake btw

Last edited by DerekOfTheDykes; 04-21-2017 at 06:15 PM.
Fisty
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(04-21-2017, 06:11 PM)
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Originally Posted by ElectricBlanketFire

The worst part about that whole image is that he is actually a pretty damn good actor, he just got typecast and probably didn't look to expand his range once he hit the Malcom groove. The show was fantastic, and My Dog Skip was a really good movie.
redhood56
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(04-21-2017, 06:14 PM)
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I loved this movie as a kid and now they dare tarnish it's name with an awful sequel!?
DerekOfTheDykes
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(04-21-2017, 06:17 PM)
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Originally Posted by Fisty

The worst part about that whole image is that he is actually a pretty damn good actor, he just got typecast and probably didn't look to expand his range once he hit the Malcom groove. The show was fantastic, and My Dog Skip was a really good movie.

I would actually genuinely be curious about what would happen if adult Frankie Muniz came back to acting. If Justin Timberlake could have a not abysmal run at acting, adult Frankie Muniz can. I mean, bare minimum, it would have to be better than Shia The Beef.
TemplaerDude
(04-21-2017, 06:18 PM)
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Originally Posted by Lijik

bigger fatter liar was originally a sequel to weekend at bernies involving the corpse of klaus nomi that got heavily reworked

No, please, what, really?
Fantastical
Death Prophet
(04-21-2017, 06:18 PM)
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Damn I remember Amanda Bynes was in the first one. :(
DerekOfTheDykes
Member
(04-21-2017, 06:20 PM)
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Originally Posted by TemplaerDude

No, please, what, really?

The best part is, you can't be certain that he is joking. And neither am I, to be honest.

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