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Afrocious
Member
(08-23-2016, 04:55 AM)
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New thread, I'm in!
GK86
Homeland Security Fail
(08-23-2016, 04:57 AM)
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Originally Posted by BkMogul

First time, long time here GAF.

So I met this girl on OKCupid. Nice enough, but busy by her own admission. Went to a museum the 1st date and a movie the 2nd last Tuesday. She didn't seem particularly engaged the 2nd time around as I was doing most of the talking. Anyways, we last texted on Friday evening about our weekend plans (she had errands and some other engagements and I was taking my aunt to see the World Trade Center). I sent a long-winded message to that effect last Friday and no response to it. May initially seem juvenile, I know, but shouldn't the last person who sent a text wait for a response or should I just brush it off with a "Good Morning" tomorrow? Been out of the game for awhile so reading these things are hard.

In those situations, I would send another message. If it is the same lukewarm response or no response at all, I would move on.
Mediking
Member
(08-23-2016, 04:58 AM)
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Originally Posted by BkMogul

First time, long time here GAF.

So I met this girl on OKCupid. Nice enough, but busy by her own admission. Went to a museum the 1st date and a movie the 2nd last Tuesday. She didn't seem particularly engaged the 2nd time around as I was doing most of the talking. Anyways, we last texted on Friday evening about our weekend plans (she had errands and some other engagements and I was taking my aunt to see the World Trade Center). I sent a long-winded message to that effect last Friday and no response to it. May initially seem juvenile, I know, but shouldn't the last person who sent a text wait for a response or should I just brush it off with a "Good Morning" tomorrow? Been out of the game for awhile so reading these things are hard.

Walk.... AWAY.
Nudull
Member
(08-23-2016, 04:58 AM)
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Originally Posted by BkMogul

First time, long time here GAF.

So I met this girl on OKCupid. Nice enough, but busy by her own admission. Went to a museum the 1st date and a movie the 2nd last Tuesday. She didn't seem particularly engaged the 2nd time around as I was doing most of the talking. Anyways, we last texted on Friday evening about our weekend plans (she had errands and some other engagements and I was taking my aunt to see the World Trade Center). I sent a long-winded message to that effect last Friday and no response to it. May initially seem juvenile, I know, but shouldn't the last person who sent a text wait for a response or should I just brush it off with a "Good Morning" tomorrow? Been out of the game for awhile so reading these things are hard.

If you absolutely have to, send a single follow-up message. If there's no response from there, then it's time to move on.
Llyranor
Member
(08-23-2016, 05:00 AM)
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Originally Posted by Insane Metal

I've tried pretty much EVERY dating site I could find and nothing helped. I'm just ugly and girls have no interest whatsoever when they see my picture. :|

Sometimes the way your pictures are taken make all the difference.

Also, for many people, feeling ugly is a symptom of low self-esteem rather than some objective 'ugliness'. Most people just look average. But, take an average person who grooms and dresses well, is confident, has a good posture and smile, and suddenly that person has become more attractive.
hateradio
The Most Dangerous Yes Man
(08-23-2016, 05:08 AM)
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What if I want to ask him out. Is there an OT for that?


halp



jk
NetMapel
Guilty White Male Mods Gave Me This Tag
(08-23-2016, 05:12 AM)
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Originally Posted by hateradio

What if I want to ask him out. Is there an OT for that?


halp



jk

Seriously though. I got a guy who said to me, "hey how comes girls don't ask the guys out? Everybody feels flattered when they get asked out!". Clearly heavily implying that I should ask him out. I replied "wellll, I don't know, us girls are more conditioned to be passive in this I guess?" I supposed one of us should ask the other person out already lol
Last edited by NetMapel; 08-23-2016 at 06:16 AM.
LionPride
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(08-23-2016, 05:15 AM)
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Originally Posted by NetMapel

Seriously though. I got a guy who said to me, "hey how comes girls don't ask the guys out? Everybody feels flattered when they get asked out!". Clearly heavily implying that I should ask him out. I'm said "wellll, I don't know, girls are more conditioned to be passive in this I guess?" I supposed one of us should ask the other person out already lol

I went on my original "first" date ever that way. Talkin to a friend about guys asking girls out and why girls don't do it. She asked me out and since then this friend and I have had a sorta off and on thing goin on. She'll ask me out sometimes, other times I do it.
Nudull
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(08-23-2016, 05:22 AM)
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Originally Posted by NetMapel

Seriously though. I got a guy who said to me, "hey how comes girls don't ask the guys out? Everybody feels flattered when they get asked out!". Clearly heavily implying that I should ask him out. I'm said "wellll, I don't know, girls are more conditioned to be passive in this I guess?" I supposed one of us should ask the other person out already lol

Up until recently, I've never really had a guy in particular ask me out. I'm usually the proactive one, regardless of gender.
Mediking
Member
(08-23-2016, 05:28 AM)
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Originally Posted by LionPride

I went on my original "first" date ever that way. Talkin to a friend about guys asking girls out and why girls don't do it. She asked me out and since then this friend and I have had a sorta off and on thing goin on. She'll ask me out sometimes, other times I do it.

You're just the luckiest guy in the world, huh? The jealousy is real... lol
LionPride
Member
(08-23-2016, 05:33 AM)
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Originally Posted by Mediking

You're just the luckiest guy in the world, huh? The jealousy is real... lol

Shit I wish. Got rejected seven times before I had my first actual girlfriend or official date earlier this year. Had fun, broke up with her. Kinda almost destroyed my relationship with her and her sister. Made a mistake there

Closest friend of mine is a girl who I really like, she really likes me, we've tried this a couple times hopefully it works out again

It all came from my confidence going up, it's my last year in high school. Gotta make it count
Mory Dunz
Member
(08-23-2016, 05:34 AM)
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Originally Posted by Insane Metal

I'd sub if there was any chance I'd have a date. I don't go out, and when I do I'm mostly just doing my stuff and not trying to find someone... I mean. My self esteem is zero. I don't even bother trying anymore.

Originally Posted by gaiages

That's what online dating is for! I don't ever go out--ever--and I managed to find a man. If I can do it I assume most can.

Originally Posted by Insane Metal

Finding a man is much easier, come on.

I've tried pretty much EVERY dating site I could find and nothing helped. I'm just ugly and girls have no interest whatsoever when they see my picture. :|

This pattern emerges a lot in this thread.

Person A makes a statement about hopeless they are.
Person B gives advice.
Person A makes an excuse(s) for why that advice "won't work" with a hint of aggression for some unknown reason.

Why not just say, thanks, but I haven't had much luck with online dating so far. Without defeating yourself
Mediking
Member
(08-23-2016, 05:39 AM)
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Originally Posted by LionPride

Shit I wish. Got rejected seven times before I had my first actual girlfriend or official date earlier this year. Had fun, broke up with her. Kinda almost destroyed my relationship with her and her sister. Made a mistake there

Closest friend of mine is a girl who I really like, she really likes me, we've tried this a couple times hopefully it works out again

It all came from my confidence going up, it's my last year in high school. Gotta make it count

Whoa, whoa, whoa... let's pump the brakes for a sec. YOU'RE A SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL?
Afrocious
Member
(08-23-2016, 05:41 AM)
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This is probably a silly question, but say you get a bunch of matches on Tinder. How often do you speak with everyone you want to talk with?

On top of that, damn dates get expensive. That's part of the reason why I might have to chill out on Tinder.
LionPride
Member
(08-23-2016, 05:43 AM)
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Originally Posted by Mediking

Whoa, whoa, whoa... let's pump the brakes for a sec. YOU'RE A SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL?

Yeppers
Nudull
Member
(08-23-2016, 05:46 AM)
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Heh. Just texted my date a while ago to confirm our Saturday plans, and he just offered to buy me lunch/dinner.

Probably a very good sign, I take? XD
M52B28
Member
(08-23-2016, 05:50 AM)
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Originally Posted by Insane Metal

Finding a man is much easier, come on.

I've tried pretty much EVERY dating site I could find and nothing helped. I'm just ugly and girls have no interest whatsoever when they see my picture. :|

Post a picture. I'm sure you aren't as ugly as you think you are.
Mory Dunz
Member
(08-23-2016, 05:52 AM)
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Originally Posted by Mediking

Whoa, whoa, whoa... let's pump the brakes for a sec. YOU'RE A SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL?

high schoolers dating is surprising?
M52B28
Member
(08-23-2016, 05:54 AM)
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Originally Posted by Mory Dunz

high schoolers dating is surprising?

I don't think it's completely that. I think it has to do with the thought of NeoGaf being an adult oriented website.
LionPride
Member
(08-23-2016, 05:56 AM)
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Originally Posted by M52B28

I don't think it's completely that. I think it has to do with the thought of NeoGaf being an adult oriented website.

"Adult oriented" sure. I can't call a website full of 20 somethings as it's main users adult oriented.

Plus it's known that high schoolers are on this site
Mediking
Member
(08-23-2016, 05:57 AM)
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Originally Posted by LionPride

Yeppers

Originally Posted by Mory Dunz

high schoolers dating is surprising?

Originally Posted by M52B28

I don't think it's completely that. I think it has to do with the thought of NeoGaf being an adult oriented website.

Yeah, I'm kinda surprised LionPride is in high school because you gotta have a different kind of email to even begin the registration process with NeoGaf. I'm not surprised LP is dating. Lol
NIGHT-
Member
(08-23-2016, 05:57 AM)
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So I'm 31 and hit it off with a girl that is 22 on a dating site. She sounds very mature, out of college, and has an adult job. Still, it's almost a 10 year age difference, do you guys think it would be a problem in the long run?
Afrocious
Member
(08-23-2016, 05:57 AM)
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with most of these posts, you wouldn't think these were adults posting tbqh

Originally Posted by NIGHT-

So I'm 31 and hit it off with a girl that is 22 on a dating site. She sounds very mature, out of college, and has an adult job. Still, it's almost a 10 year age difference, do you guys think it would be a problem in the long run?

Depends on what you're looking for.
Mediking
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(08-23-2016, 06:00 AM)
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Originally Posted by NIGHT-

So I'm 31 and hit it off with a girl that is 22 on a dating site. She sounds very mature, out of college, and has an adult job. Still, it's almost a 10 year age difference, do you guys think it would be a problem in the long run?

Reverse the situation. WHAT DO YOU THINK? Then again... you can go for it and see what happens.
MisterNugNug
Member
(08-23-2016, 06:00 AM)
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Originally Posted by NIGHT-

So I'm 31 and hit it off with a girl that is 22 on a dating site. She sounds very mature, out of college, and has an adult job. Still, it's almost a 10 year age difference, do you guys think it would be a problem in the long run?

Depends on where both of you are at and what you both want or are expecting from one another. I'm in a similar situation.
LionPride
Member
(08-23-2016, 06:11 AM)
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Originally Posted by Afrocious

with most of these posts, you wouldn't think these were adults posting tbqh

Lol for real
ZackieChan
Member
(08-23-2016, 06:12 AM)
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Originally Posted by Mediking

You're just the luckiest guy in the world, huh? The jealousy is real... lol

Your attitude in this thread is odd. Stop being jealous and start making things happen, my friend!
LionPride
Member
(08-23-2016, 06:15 AM)
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Originally Posted by ZackieChan

Your attitude in this thread is odd. Stop being jealous and start making things happen, my friend!

Like Cee-Lo said "You need to git up, git out, and git somethin" or in this case someone
NamelessMonk
Member
(08-23-2016, 06:18 AM)
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So in the last thread people recommended that I just wait for Uni to meet people...

The problem with that is that i'm actually really, really bad at meeting people. I have a few friends, but they sort of came to me, and in high school I was sort of a recluse. I try my best to be friendly, but I think I just repel people off. Plus, guys just tend to ignore me most of the time.

So for first year University... what to do? Someone mentioned joining clubs, but how do people even meet others at Bars?
Nudull
Member
(08-23-2016, 06:23 AM)
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Originally Posted by LionPride

Like Cee-Lo said "You need to git up, git out, and git somethin" or in this case someone

Probably a poor choice to use a Cee-Lo reference when advising about dating. >.>
ZackieChan
Member
(08-23-2016, 06:24 AM)
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Originally Posted by LionPride

Like Cee-Lo said "You need to git up, git out, and git somethin" or in this case someone

Wasn't that Amil in "Can I get a..."?

I'm old.
vern
Member
(08-23-2016, 06:40 AM)
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Originally Posted by ZackieChan

Wasn't that Amil in "Can I get a..."?

I'm old.

Listen to southernplayalisticadillacmusik plesee. You are old you should know this shit.
ZackieChan
Member
(08-23-2016, 07:44 AM)
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Originally Posted by vern

Listen to southernplayalisticadillacmusik plesee. You are old you should know this shit.

I hate Outkast, that's why.
vern
Member
(08-23-2016, 08:39 AM)
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Originally Posted by ZackieChan

I hate Outkast, that's why.

U wot m8?
Jokab
Member
(08-23-2016, 09:42 AM)
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I'm interested to know what y'all score on this test: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ Most of these seem completely bogus but this one seems really good (see what I mean below)

My score:

Code:

12 Words of Affirmation 
8 Quality Time 
7 Physical Touch 
2 Receiving Gifts 
1 Acts of Service
It's based on a book called Five Love Languages which in essence categorizes expression of love in five categories: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts and Acts of Service. Oftentimes you and your partner speak different love languages, which may lead to either side of the relationship or both feeling unloved or underappreciated. And while you may have a primary love language, it's also a fleeting scale. On the flipside, the author of the book it's based on says that often you try speaking your own love language to your partner, oblivious to what the other person actually wants, and then you get confused when your partner is upset.

I have to say this really resonates with me more than I thought it would. I truly think the issues I've been having with my GF stems from us speaking very different love languages, i.e. how we show affection for eachother. For example, I've been upset that she doesn't touch me non-sexually in public as much as I want, but also that she doesn't text me sweet things much (haven't brought the latter up though).

On the other hand, as I've thought of this, I've discovered a few things she does that I might not immediately see as acts of love. For example she has gone on football matches with me, even though she hates football. She has even watched a few of them with me on tv. She's gone to a concert for music she didn't particularly care for, etc. Furthermore when we had our talk a few weeks back, she expressed concerns that our time together was getting stale, that we too often just watched tv shows on the couch. Taking this into account, it's possible that her primary language is quality time, in the sense of doing fun things together rather than just hang out, even if it's an activity she doesn't particularly love doing. And while I appreciate these things, they are not as important to me as for example words of affirmation, which leads to a disconnect.

If the above is true, it would mean we have almost completely different languages. Obviously doesn't mean it's over though, we just have to recognize how we want to be shown love and how we express it ourselves. She's abroad right now so I don't want to bring this up right away, but as I said it all resonates very well with me. I'll have a talk when she gets back.
Last edited by Jokab; 08-23-2016 at 09:59 AM.
AllGamer
Member
(08-23-2016, 09:57 AM)
10 Quality Time
8 Acts of Service
7 Physical Touch
4 Words of Affirmation
1 Receiving Gifts

Don't really know what to do with this information...
Last edited by AllGamer; 08-23-2016 at 11:13 AM.
Condom
Member
(08-23-2016, 10:33 AM)
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OT6 already, good stuff. Here for tha stories
Log4Girlz
(08-23-2016, 10:37 AM)
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Originally Posted by Count Dookkake

Get out and work it or stay home and jerk it!


Good luck.

I'm a big proponent of the latter.
Kill Your Masters
Member
(08-23-2016, 10:53 AM)
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Originally Posted by NIGHT-

So I'm 31 and hit it off with a girl that is 22 on a dating site. She sounds very mature, out of college, and has an adult job. Still, it's almost a 10 year age difference, do you guys think it would be a problem in the long run?

Divide your age by 2, add 7, 22.5, you are pretty much at the edge m8. (lol)

No but seriously, I'm also 31 and dating a 22 year old. Doesn't feel that different as any other dates or relationships I had except sometimes the lack of maturity is obvious, but I don't mind it that much as I thought I would in the beginning.

You won't know until you try, not everyone at 22 is the same, some want to party hard until they're 30, some want to settle early etc.
Nudull
Member
(08-23-2016, 11:13 AM)
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5 love languages? I'll give it a shot.

8 Quality Time
7 Physical Touch
6 Words of Affirmation
5 Receiving Gifts
4 Acts of Service
Bossun
Member
(08-23-2016, 11:43 AM)
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So being recently single ( a couple of month now) I was on tinder and happy to fool around, not wanting to jump back in a relationship right away.

Always been clear on my expectations with the girls and everything was fine, fooled around, but then I met two girls, not even to have sex, just to go grab a drink and have fun.

The relationships evolved further and we are clear that we are not a couple, but they are kind of attached to me. Turn out me too, and I really really like both of them. They're different, one is more fiery and geeky and unpretending, the other is so nice and cute an engaging.

With the geeky one I first met her to play pokemon go and on the second date we kissed and had sex and saw each other a few time since then, the second girl I just met her to keep her company, as she was in Paris to visit a friend and that friend was working, we went to grab a few drinks and the next day she was going back home but was strolling in Paris before taking her train. I went to keep her company again and before leaving she hugged me and kissed me. Then I went to visit her in her town for a week end.

I know that this can't last and I will have to eventually tell one of them it's over as the relationships will evolved further ( we are all still on the apps but barely using them now, I could probably delete them by now as I am already kind of committed to those two girls (and feeling bad about it) and they are to me ).

This sucks..
Last edited by Bossun; 08-23-2016 at 11:48 AM.
Jokab
Member
(08-23-2016, 12:09 PM)
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Originally Posted by AllGamer

10 Quality Time
8 Acts of Service
7 Physical Touch
4 Words of Affirmation
1 Receiving Gifts

Don't really know what to do with this information...

There is a good summary on the results page of what each category means. Or you can buy the book/audiobook. I listened through the audiobook this morning and it was highly enlightening.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
(08-23-2016, 12:10 PM)
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Being set up with this really cute girl on Friday. We seem to be a good match, both looking for the same things, and it all seems gravy. I know it all depends on how the chemistry is in person, but I find myself being a lot more optimistic about this than anything else for a while.
br3wnor
Member
(08-23-2016, 12:32 PM)
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Originally Posted by Bossun

So being recently single ( a couple of month now) I was on tinder and happy to fool around, not wanting to jump back in a relationship right away.

Always been clear on my expectations with the girls and everything was fine, fooled around, but then I met two girls, not even to have sex, just to go grab a drink and have fun.

The relationships evolved further and we are clear that we are not a couple, but they are kind of attached to me. Turn out me too, and I really really like both of them. They're different, one is more fiery and geeky and unpretending, the other is so nice and cute an engaging.

With the geeky one I first met her to play pokemon go and on the second date we kissed and had sex and saw each other a few time since then, the second girl I just met her to keep her company, as she was in Paris to visit a friend and that friend was working, we went to grab a few drinks and the next day she was going back home but was strolling in Paris before taking her train. I went to keep her company again and before leaving she hugged me and kissed me. Then I went to visit her in her town for a week end.

I know that this can't last and I will have to eventually tell one of them it's over as the relationships will evolved further ( we are all still on the apps but barely using them now, I could probably delete them by now as I am already kind of committed to those two girls (and feeling bad about it) and they are to me ).

This sucks..

Do you want to be in a relationship now? It's only been a few months since your single, there's nothing wrong with riding this out a bit longer, seems like you're still in the preliminary stages with both girls.

Otherwise you're gonna have to choose because it'll get messy the longer this goes on and the chances of them finding out about eachother could mess things up with both girls.

That being said, compared to a lot of people in this thread, this is a pretty good "problem" to have.
vern
Member
(08-23-2016, 12:55 PM)
vern's Avatar
Re: love languages

My ex gf long ago (we were around 21-22) were having some problems and her parents had hoped we would get married... Her dad ended up giving me the love languages book and said "blah blah I know you guys love each other you just express it in different ways..."

Her ways were mostly yelling at me and being depressed as shit. Anyway according to the book our languages of love were very different, which was obvious without the book. Also we didn't love each other so yea... Glad that ended. The book was fine though. Don't know how useful it is as long as you are an attentive and empathetic partner. If you lack some social skills and suck at listening I think it can be useful. My advice is find someone you are compatible with, it should come naturally.
Bossun
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(08-23-2016, 12:56 PM)
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Originally Posted by br3wnor

Do you want to be in a relationship now? It's only been a few months since your single, there's nothing wrong with riding this out a bit longer, seems like you're still in the preliminary stages with both girls.

Otherwise you're gonna have to choose because it'll get messy the longer this goes on and the chances of them finding out about eachother could mess things up with both girls.

That being said, compared to a lot of people in this thread, this is a pretty good "problem" to have.

Yeah, right know we do not have any "obligations" toward each other, but they told me they didn't plan to see other people because they didn't want to. I don't plan to meet new people that's for sure. This is just bad timing of having met them almost at the same time.

I do feel like it would bother them if they knew I saw someone else. The reason why I need to find a solution.

But I admit that having to choose between two people I like a lot is a nice problem.
Galang
Member
(08-23-2016, 01:02 PM)
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3 weeks ago I met someone from online that I'm interested in seeing where it goes. We've had 3 good dates so far which is actually a really good streak for me considering the past few years. I thought it was going good, but one of my friends think it's weird we don't communicate everyday? If we were exclusive it would definitely bother me, but it's barely been 3 weeks... is that actually a red flag at this point? Thanks for any advice :)
Septimius
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(08-23-2016, 01:14 PM)
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Congrats on the OP, gaiages, and a great one it is! Good luck with the thread :D

Originally Posted by Galang

3 weeks ago I met someone from online that I'm interested in seeing where it goes. We've had 3 good dates so far which is actually a really good streak for me considering the past few years. I thought it was going good, but one of my friends think it's weird we don't communicate everyday? If we were exclusive it would definitely bother me, but it's barely been 3 weeks... is that actually a red flag at this point? Thanks for any advice :)

It's extremely individual. There's no red flag. If it feels good to you, it's good. If it doesn't feel right, then that's something completely different. It's up to you to decide.
LionPride
Member
(08-23-2016, 01:19 PM)
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Originally Posted by Nudull

Probably a poor choice to use a Cee-Lo reference when advising about dating. >.>

Fair
gaiages
Member
(08-23-2016, 01:48 PM)
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Woah this moved fast lol. Thanks for the compliments on the OT guys, my first thread ever lol

LionPride needs to join the fold and give advice lol. Look at him, practically a dating guru! ;)

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