Hmm, I really wish I could remember, but really, it's just something I think that's always been with me as far back as I can remember (pre-kindergarten). I hated hanging around with the boys in kindergarten and was much more comfortable playing with girls, I would actually get upset and cry if there was some sort of forced segregation.
Originally Posted by Alfarif
Question Number 1: Now that I've sat here for about an hour thinking on it... if anyone would like to share when they FIRST realized they didn't feel right in their traditional role and when you decided to actively make a change. Kind of a "getting to know you" I guess.
I remember in first grade, for some school event we had this country dancing thing, cowboys and cowgirls etc. This is deeply embedded in my mind as basically pure trauma. Every time we would rehearse, I would make a scene and basically caused hell for my teachers.
Without getting too autobiographical, basically I (tried) to keep this part of me a secret, I didn't know why I felt this way, I started to hate that I felt this way and that I couldn't just be normal. Now as for when I decided to actively make a change, I knew I wanted to in my mid teens, but the fear was too great. For many years I tried to ignore it and just try to live normally. I was hopeless at approaching girls because while I was sexually attracted to them, in no way whatsoever did I want anything to do with them sexually as a male.
Anyway, skip ahead a few years (sadly, a common theme amongst transgenders is that they always lament how they wish they started earlier) and I'm seeing a doctor, who puts me on to a therapist, who puts me on to an endocrinologist and here I am today, a few months after beginning HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy).
Oddly, soon after starting HRT I developed my attraction for males. I'm still attracted to females, but not anywhere near the same degree.
Well, this ended up being a bit longer then maybe you would have liked, sorry. :P
*laughs* I used a Bridget avatar here for a long time before I was out. And btw your avatar freaks me out, I would welcome a change. :P
I'll be honest: I recognize you thanks to your "Trap Teddy" avatar, because the moment I noticed that, I wondered if you might be trans. *laughs* I use a different image of TT on my IM account I use specifically for trans-issues. It's like, the trans folks I know gravitate toward avatars featuring Teddy, Poison, or Bridget. *heh*